Trust.
A word the Lord has been speaking to me since I left for the Race last September. Something I thought I had down to a science, but realized that I am so far from complete.
Allow me to take you back a little….
In Month 7 of my Race, the Lord called me to fast for a day and I fought Him on it. Saying “No. I can’t do that. Someone with my past with food shouldn’t fast.” (In high school and college, I struggled with an eating disorder)
He gently put it in my face many times to the point where I finally submitted and agreed to fast for a day…but only for 2 meals. The day I fasted, my team spent the day in a 24 hour prayer room (Boiler Room) so, I had the whole day to sit in sweet communion with my Father. It was hard but through that, He gave me 3 promises:
I will keep you HEALTHY.
I will keep you SAFE.
I will NOT let you go backwards.
I have held on to those promises tightly yet not fully grasping the power in those words.
Until Now.
A few weeks ago, I felt called to do the Daniel Fast and last Monday, after a lot of back and forth with the Lord, I started it. Tuesday night, I was sitting in my room, journaling and sitting with those promises that the Lord gave me in Malaysia:
“I keep going back to the promises you made me in Malaysia. I remember when you hit me with it—sitting in the Boiler Room frustrated because of the constant thoughts of food and fear of going back to old ways. You are a good, good Father and I know that. But, right now I’m having trouble fully trusting that. Tonight, I sit in my room. Day 2 of the Daniel Fast and my mind isn’t at peace. I came into this excited and eager to hear you and listen. Right now, I feel like I’m walking down a road with no direction…I don’t know where I am going but I’m still walking.”
I began to question whether I was doing the Daniel Fast for selfish reasons or if I was doing it to really listen to the Father and allow my trust to grow deeper in Him. Was I doing this out of my fleshly desires, or the deep desire of my soul to know the One who loves my soul on a deeper level?
It was an internal battle in which I couldn’t tell the difference between my own voice and the voice of the Holy Spirit. I was frustrated and in that frustration, told God that I was done with this game of trust unless He revealed Himself to me in a way that smacked me straight across the face.
The Lord is a gentleman, but He is also not afraid of smacking you in the face when you need it. And, that is exactly what he did.
I walked into Worship Track the next day, hoping it would be a day where I could just sit and listen and not participate. Funny.
Arden:
“Ok! Today, we are taking a field trip to IHOP!”
My thought process:
“Great. I can’t even eat pancakes. Why did I decide to do this Daniel Fast. What am I going to do—sit and drink water? That’s stupid.”
An hour later, we pulled up to International House of PRAYER (not the pancake house) and walked into the building. We were met by a young woman who said that the team found out we were coming, and they had heard all about the World Race and CGA and such. Anyways, they wanted to pray and prophesy over us.
I sat in a chair just soaking in the worship going on around me, basking in the presence of my Daddy and after about 45 minutes, they announced that they wanted all of us from AIM to come up front.
Yay. I love being in front of people (said no one named Marybeth, ever).
We stood up in the front of the room and people came up to each of us, praying and prophesying. The last person to come up to me put her hand on my shoulder, and said in my ear:
“I see rainbows all around you. They are surrounding you. I feel like the Lord is saying to you: ‘I haven’t forgotten the promises I made to you.’ He hasn’t forgotten you.”
I immediately thought of the covenant God made with Noah in the Old Testament that He would never again allow floodwaters to destroy the earth. The Lord sent a rainbow as a sign of His covenant with Noah.
Shivers went up and down my spine, my chin trembled and I was overcome with so much emotion that I couldn’t even cry or laugh. All I could do was sit in awe of our sweet Lord.
Our God is a promise keeper, y’all.
